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A Totally and Completely Serious 10-Step Guide to Hiring Your Next Employee
#3 will elevate your company to new lows
After scouring the bowels of the Internet (five LinkedIn posts) I have concocted a fool-proof method for hiring that will excite even the most seasoned HR professional.
This guide is like the smooth, fancy, non-GMO Kombucha of hiring checklists. Follow it step-by-step if you want to ensure your company is fully staffed for at least three fiscal quarters.
STEP 1
Have as many people as possible write the job description, and do not copy-edit before posting online. Bury the contact information in a hard-to-find location and make sure it goes to a generic e-mail address for which nobody has the password. Definitely include the phrase: “No phone calls, please.” At this early stage, it’s best to avoid any mention of salary or other compensatory details.
STEP 2
Once you have received a cluster of applications, delete the job posting and discard all materials. By no means should you contact any applicants at this stage.
STEP 3
Wait three months and repost a similar job with a slightly downgraded title. Accept applications for no less than six months.
